自從去年八月上完高級課程後,我開始比較規律的團練,也從團練中領悟了很多、看見很多過去無法察覺的自己,大部分是那些讓自己的生活上演悲慘劇碼的小我面目。

今天團練中很深地意識到,解除"叛逆"的自動化反應的時候到了。

每回呼吸團練時總會清楚地浮現一些情緒,或過往生命裡曾發生過的重大事件,有些是遙遠的記憶,有些則是近期發生的事情。今天團練時也不例外,ㄧ直縈繞在腦袋的事情是上個週末和姊姊在言語上的衝突,那天我用氣沖沖離家上台北作為事件的結尾。在古儒吉引導的淨化呼吸中回頭檢視這個發生,我發現原來那是是我無意識的叛逆症在發作,我內心那個叛逆小孩不能被管束、不喜歡被說教、不允許被挑戰、不接受同情、不甘展現軟弱,是很難搞的一個小孩。我跟老姊戰爭也不是ㄧ天兩天的事情,從小時候的隱性競爭,到現在的顯性爭執,雖然自己也算是有了轉變,我讓情緒從過去的壓抑變成現在的直接袒露,但對於"耍叛逆"的這個模式,從結果來看並沒有改變的跡象。

所以今天的團練我對自己下了個決定,去接受那些過去我所抗拒的,去冒個小險,如果這接受了這ㄧ些,將會發生什麼不ㄧ樣的結果。我相信,一定是我意料不到的。不管,冒險就對了!

今年過年去七堵拜拜的時候,媽祖說我個性好強,對,媽祖說的真準,好強跟叛逆是超級好朋友。很感恩這些訊息來到面前,我想我準備好面對我的好強跟叛逆了,這陣子我將好好做這個功課。

剛剛整理部落時無意中發現一篇被我隱藏起來的文章,那是ㄧ年多前在秦老師那抽的"陰謀卡",提醒著相同的生命的黑暗面。唉呀,人生真的沒有意外~

The Rebel Conspiracy breeds and feeds fear. often, there is a vicious circle between the Rebel and Fear Conspiracies. At the root of every problem, there is an authority conflict. This is the key element in the Rebel Conspiracy, and this often leads to writing life scripts of rebellion and bad atitude.The Rebel Conspiracy makes it very difficult to have successful relationships or careers. We think the only freedom is the freedom to run away from, or to fight against, something. The ego has chosen bondage over bonding, so we will resist bonding, freedom, and creation. The ego tells us to do things our own way, which is its way of creating Soap Operas in our lives, so it can use the energy to miscreate.

Soon after "the fall"- our dream of separation- we entered into a Rebel Conspiracy. instead of remembering Oneness and God when we fell into the original separation- the "dark night of the soul"- we turned and ran further into separateness, trying to evade the initial pain and guilt of our primordial loss. only recently has humanity begun to turn around and began evolving toward unity and Oneness once again. Even the nicest people have Rebel Shadow Figures and Rebel Conspiracies buried and compensated for at the deepest levels of the mind by compensations that never lead to success or the swetness of bonding.

The Rebel Conspiracy makes us reactive rather than reponsive, and it is usually tied togher with the Independent Story. In the Rebel Conspiracy, we have not forgotten that we are im the Mind of God, we have actively rebelled against God and our idea of Him. We live as if we are alone and have to accomplish things by ourselves, This makes everything more difficult because we refuse the help and grace around us. Believing that we are alone makes it impossible to accomplish our purpose.

Reciving This Card
If you receive this card, then you are caught in one of the deepest and most destructive conspiracies. It is the root of your greatest problem patterns and setbacks. It is and aspect of you that allies with the dark instead of the light. It is now time to give this up in favor of happiness. It is time to remember that if there is spirit and Oneness, then it cannot change or be changed; it is eternal. You can only dream of separation; you can only dream that eternity has been lost and you are" doing time". You are still in the Mind of God. You are still as God created you in the wholeness and innocence of spirit. For a happier, easier life, it is essential you let go of the Rebel Conspiracy, as it breeds the Independence and Competition Conspiracies. Subtly, or not so subtly, these attack those around you. You could have the love and success that comes with ease if ou choose bonding instead. Recognize that as you evolve and step forward, you not onlysucceed more, but also pull up deeper layers of the mind for healing. Again and again, you will find layers where Rebel Conspiracies are blocking your happiness and your abundance. The Rebel Conspiracy is a fight against yourself, your purpose, others, and God. What the Rebel Conspiracy costs is too big a price to pay for pride and fantasies of grandiosity. It is time to let it go and realize your greatness, and have a providence-filled life.
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